marriage. and beautiful community.

it's true. i'm married.
i'm the same woman, with a new last name.
but truly, i'm not the same woman.
the week after our wedding, when i married my best friend, i felt it. felt a shift in my heart. it's something i can't really explain. not unless you know how dark it got last year. unless you know how ugly and parched my heart really was. there were so many tears, so many bitter thoughts, so many snarky texts, so many relationships i ignored.
and yes, it was as ugly as it sounds.
i am lucky. i am blessed.
blessed that my best friend still chose to marry me.
thank God for his patience. thank God that he can see past the ugly right now.
it wakes me up daily... and it woke my heart up three months ago.
that's right. it's been 3 months.
3 months today.
and i know that seems miniscule.
it seems silly for me to even point out this smallest anniversary.
but it isn't just 3 months since we were married.
it's been 3 months since God brought me back to life.
don't get me wrong. i don't want to lead you astray.
it's not solely my marriage. it's not simply the fact that we were married and everything just instantly turned into pleasantville. because it hasn't.
it's been hard. being married is hard.
being truly intimate is hard.
being completely and wholely, broken open honest is hard.
wanting to spend all our time together, but knowing that God has more planned for us than just "us" is hard.
being part of a community is hard.
but it's so heart-breakingly beautiful.
my heart has gone from feeling forgotten, lonely, done, and obliterated to feeling completely renewed.
so thank you.
thank you God, for bringing David and I's stories together, for his heart, for his honesty, for his hugs and love.
thank you David, ... just thank you. i'm crying just sitting here. because i have no words. thank you for not succumbing to all the broken relationships that have come before us, thank you for not accepting "giving up" as an option. just .... thank you.
thank you community, friends, family... for sticking out last year with me. it was hard. we hurt each other, but it has made us better, more beautiful, more holy. i wouldn't have wanted to do that with anyone else.
marriage. community. body of christ. it's all really the same thing.