i've got the end of holiday break blues.
upon my arrival right back here at the lovely ball state i could physically feel the dread creeping in.
the dread that comes with the realization that i have much more to do than i had earlier recalled. it's been a while since i've felt this overwhelmed. it's a bit ridiculous. it's times like these where the stress from pointless assignments drives me to believe that dropping out wouldn't truly be such a bad thing. i know, silly me again. you're probably tired of reading these posts that seem to blur together with the same message over and over again. i promise i'm a much more positive person than it seems. i guess when i get to the point where negativity becomes the dominant feeling in my outlook i need to think about how great the past few days have been.
i love thanksgiving break. this one seemed to be especially great. anything starting with a dinner at panera couldn't be awful, i mean really. just being with my family gives me a case of the smiles. i just need to keep reminding myself that christmas break is only three weeks away.
one of my closest friends got married this weekend. it's strange to think about, sometimes i feel like we're still in high school...it just seems like we're playing house. sadly, this game of house is taking them to virginia...and who knows when i'll see her again. ah well...at least the next time we're together we'll be full of stories to tell, right?....i hope so.....

i am, i am ....more than you think i am.

today is rainy. rainy, dreary and chilly.
thankfully my first two classes were cancelled...and i took it upon myself to deem my econ class cancelled, the cost benefit analysis completed, i decided it just was not worth venturing out into the muck to spend 50 minutes in a class that brings me no joy.

so instead, i ate stir fry with chopsticks and watched the travel channel.
i watched a show on various doughnut shops across the u.s.
personally, i do not like doughnuts. but the completed product of a well-made pastry is always a lovely sight to behold.
and it filled me with excitement, for this is what i want to spend my life doing.
spreading the joy of pastries, baked goods and beverage to my friends...strangers...anyone really.
it's when thoughts and dreams like these fill my head that i believe spending time in classes isn't really worth it...
but i know it really is...either way...

my heart...it's curious.

it's snowing today. nothing that will stick, but it is snow nonetheless. it happens, every year, but as much as i don't like cold weather, this precipitation excite me. because this means that christmas time is just around the corner...probably my favorite time of year. it means i should start making christmas gifts for people, i have all these great creations in mind...i cannot wait to hand my family and friends their gifts that were made especially for them. and not to mention all the baking i get to do!!! oooo...if you only knew how happy this made me...

along with this excitement though comes some mixed feelings, specifically antsy, unsure of things i need/should say. unfortunately last night i decided to watch "love actually" and it's just got me confronting all these silly feelings i've had for so long. actually no, i cannot blame it on the movie, unfortunately the majority of things remind me of these feelings. it drives me crazy. is it even possible to feel this strongly for someone that you barely know...but everytime you come into contact with them it lights you up like no one else ever has. this is sooo dumb. i really want to move on, but every guy i meet is compared to this "perfect" way that i want you to be. i wish this wasn't so tough, silly christmas, making me feel like i need to be honest.

ohh...it is love.

this may be a premature assumption, but i may very well be in love.

there i was just minding my own business...and what do i see upon my computer screen but two lovely men...

and what, you may ask, is so appealing about them...

ah yes, i was hoping you were curious, because you see...they opened a bakery.

and it's adorable. and i would very much enjoy to go see it...

here's a picture for you to ooohhh and ahhhh over.

it's ok. you can fall in love too.

check them out at: http://bakednyc.com/

a new week has started.
and i can't help but feel like i've been wasting time sitting inside doing homework.
gah. i do not believe that i lived this day to it's full potential.
ah well...tomorrow holds the promise of another chance.

i did my dishes today, they've been piling up for nearly 2 weeks.
i know, disgusting, judge me if you wish.
but at least now they are clean.
i am listening to noah and the whale right now, and oh how they make my heart beat more rapidly than normal.
i don't know what it is about them...maybe they fact that their music sounds like how i picture the thoughts going through my head may very well sound like. (does that make sense?)
it does to me....or maybe it's the fact that they're music poses the perfect backdrop for how i'd like to picture my life going in the next couple years, silly, i know.
i just found a recipe that i cannot wait to try...fork-crushed purple majesty potatoes.
you should see the picture of the finished project, such a brilliant purple..hmmm...maybe i'll go to the grocery and buy some purple potatoes this week?

"i love the way that you're always surprised
oh, to find truth in all my lies
'cos you trust me and ignore my disguise
oh, it comforts me"