let's get a silver bullet trailer...

i have a dreamy heart.
i realized this today while sitting in my classes...
i find myself trailing off...and random thoughts will pop into my head.
possibilities.
chances i could take.
words i could say.
places i could go.
houses that i could call home.
i've tried to write these things down...
keep track of my silly wandering thoughts.
maybe i should take more chances.
make these dreams a possible reality.
pray for my timid heart, maybe someday it's feet will be set to dancing.

this silly heart of mine...set to dancing.

i'm real excited about the way my heart feels right now.
after some much needed time with the Lord this morning, I feel refreshed.
and this refreshment is making my heart overflow.
can you see it in my face? can you hear it in my words?
the people walking by me on campus today probably thought me silly.
the girl strolling around with a ridiculous grin on her face...
that's me.
and it feels like home.
God's pursuit of my heart, even though i often find myself ignoring it, is mystifying.
i wish i could be as consistent of a lover of hearts as He is.
i'm learning though...and i hope what i'm learning soon becomes visible.
keep me accountable in this.
the joy that i am finding in this day is in the simplest of things.
i'm glad that i was given a heart that is easily set to dancing.

ten things that are making me dance with joy today:

1. professors wearing vests. (you classy man, you)
2. onest conversations
3. texting conversations with my brother (he hates texting, so for him to humor me for son long is wonderful)
4. seeing friends all around campus and being sure of their love
5. God's silly pursuit of my heart
6. my perfectly decorated chucks (thank you, dearest best friend)
7. thinking about the group of people at house church last night.
8. the promise of ice cream with friends tomorrow
9. professors that are excited about their job
10. new friendships.

it's like forgetting the words...to your favorite song.

my heart's beating in an awkward rhythm right now.
i think it's probably because i didn't eat between 8:30 and 3:30 today...
and the chocolate milk i just drank probably wasn't the best idea regarding my blood sugar.
that may be why my hands are shaking...ehh maybe.

i've decided that i do not give God enough credit.
these past few days have been a great reflection of how much God cares for my heart.
he has surrounded me with all these people that love me, for whatever reason.
so yes, i can say that I've seen God.
I see him in smiles, shared coffee and brownies, walks through the woods, homemade salsa, late night conversations and giggles.
my face is shining with the glory of Him in this day....
mmmmmhhhmmmm.

sparks.

my favorite part of pop-tarts is the crust, yep. it's true.
the middle has a tendency to be so grossly sweet...
but the crust on this cherry pop-tart that i'm nibbling on right now is just divine.
today is the first day of classes here at school, and although i very nearly skipped my management class to enjoy lunch with some friends, i think i will enjoy each of my classes.
that's a good feeling.
this magnificent monday started with some breakfast with friends.
the toaster oven didn't really do the cinnamon rolls justice, but the company was just what i needed.
i got to sit at a perfectly shaped tree for leaning against and journal...
mmmmm...
this day still has so much to offer, i just don't know if my heart can handle it.

you should know, today the song that i can't get out of my head is coldplay's "sparks" from probably their greatest album, parachutes.
i just can't shake it.
it's a haunting melody that has been following me around as i stroll through campus today.
sometimes i wish that the songs going sailing through my mind could be heard by everyone around me, it would be cause for some definite laughter and maybe even a disney-like choreographed dance every once in a while.
how wonderful that would be...

today i started a list of things i want to do and see in my life...
the top of the list was "see a redwood"..
coincidentally that's also the only thing on the list so far, i can't wait to see what this list will look like at the end of the semester...
maybe i'll even get to check some things off...
either way, i'll keep you posted.

"yeah...i saw sparks"

today was a day filled with good things.
sundresses.
leisurely strolls.
homemade salsa with friends
adventure to some greenhouses.
seeing a friend's eyes light up while talking about something that he's super excited about.
laughter with friends.
dance parties.
awkwardness.
taking yuri for a walk.
vanilla chai.
my heart is happy.
thank God for that.

just when i thought it couldn't get better...

my heart has been on a sort of high these past couple days.
i have been consistently surrounded by some of the most wonderful people i know.
family dinners, movie nights, baking cookies, and ridiculous amounts of laughter.
mmmmm...being content...refreshing.

i got to help with move-in yesterday.
i hadn't ever done this before, and admittedly i was a bit nervous.
i had so much fun though.
yesterday made it obvious to me how much i love being able to help people when they're in obnoxiously stressful situations.
and i got to see one of my most dear friends. he was helping move his girlfriend in, and my heart got an extra burst of energy just from seeing him.
the rain held off until we were leaving, which was wonderful...a good friend and i ended up seeking shelter in the architecture building for about a half hour...and had some good conversations. that was nice. i hope that happens again.

p.s. i finally got to see 500 days of summer last night!
it was better than i expected.
and i got to spin in my favorite chair.

how are you spending your week?
i hope your hearts been refreshed.

i'm back.
in muncie, that is.
it's been such a great few days back, some may even say it's been magical.
having a house is lovely.
had some friends over for lunch yesterday....microwavable manicotti and toaster oven brownies.
it made my heart smile so much.
there was so much laughter.
i could get used to this.
i've realized in the past couple days here though, that as great as it is that i get to be around all these beautiful people, it hurts a little that my Virginia Tech and Bowling Green loves are not here beside me as well.
this will take some getting used to.
my heart is stubborn...i may never get used to this.
but my family here at ball state is miracle material.
they pick up the slack when my silly heart and insecurities get the best of me.
you guys are truly the greatest group of friends i could've ever asked for.
you blow my mind every day.
i love you. so much.

a surprise of sorts.

i cannot stop listening to coldplay's X&Y
this may seem a silly thing to say.
you see, if you would've asked me how i felt about this certain coldplay album about 2 weeks ago i would've said it was dry and lacked musical appeal.
i have been caught off guard by it recently though.
and there is one song that is to blame for this.
i can't get it out of my head, so i'm sharing it with you.
maybe you'll find a new appreciation for this album as well.

A Message.

my song is love

love to the loveless shown

and it goes up

you don't have to be alone

your heavy heart is made of stone

and it's so hard to see you clearly

you don't have to be on your own

and i'm not gonna take it back

and i'm not gonna say i don't mean that

you're the target that i'm aiming at

got to get that message home

my song is love

my song is love, unknown

and i'm on fire for you, clearly

you don't have to be alone

you don't have to be on your own

and i'm not gonna stand and wait

not gonna leave it until it's much too late

on a platform i'm gonna stand and say

that i'm nothing on my own

and i love you, please come home.

hmmm..lovely, right?

p.s. i'll see you today, muncie. get excited.

there's a bird on my window sill.

today is a bit of a full day.
i'm taking a break from packing right now, listening to the new regina spektor.
and oh my...it's better than i expected.
high five regina, you once again did very well.

i've made more progress in packing than i assumed i would have.
so that's encouraging...but i still have quite the to do list today..
let's see...

• finish packing (yuck)
• finish painting my desk
• sand my chair.
• paint my chair
• put my new handlebar tape on
• finish my LT thank you notes...wow, way to procrastinate.
• finish embroidering some things.
• write some letters to beautiful people.

but it's a beautiful day today.
that means i'll be taking another packing break here soon to spend some time outside.
i can start my new journal today! eeekkk!
yes, it's a wonderful thursday.
please take the time to enjoy it! LOVE

you make my heart do silly things.

tomorrow i am on the look out.
the look out for a chair.
and not just any run of the mill, ordinary chair.
this chair has to be cheap, old and begging for a new paint job.
you see, i'm in the process of furnishing this new house at school.
my room has got to be a good reflection of me.
so first comes the chair, and then comes the desk.
that's how it works, right?
so i'm thinking about colors....
sky blue?
grass green?
eggplant?
either way...it will have new life in color...and then some flair.
i am oh so excited about this.

today i saw an old friend.
he is lovely.
and it was a surprise.
there were hugs and promises of visits in the near future.
this makes my heart dance, because i have so much to tell him.
we grew up together, he knows me better than most, and when i see him again after long periods of time i feel like there's no awkward lull, and that's why i love him.
i need to tell him that more, i need to tell everyone that more...
the reasons i love them that is.
i should start writing these things down, and sharing them.
right?

i learned a song on the ukulele.
my brother's being ever so patient in teaching me.
it's really exciting me to be playing music again.
...
my sister may not appreciate this as much.
she's had the (mis)fortune of me serenading her every move.
hmmm...
she's wonderful, my sister. you should meet her.
sometimes i think she's a better version of me.

paper fish.

i am a mess of clumsiness.
it's a bit ridiculous most of the time.
i have the scars, scrapes and bruises to prove it.
spend just 5 minutes with me and you will witness it.
my lack of grace. some may call it endearing...i just find that it makes for some decent stories.
i have realized recently though that this clumsiness surpasses being simply a physical trait...
i can be so clumsy with words...
when i'm nervous, even sometimes when i'm not...the things i say are messy and lack eloquence.
i can also by clumsy with other peoples' feelings.
and for that i'm sorry.
will you forgive me if i've been clumsy with your heart?
i know there are feelings that i've hurt, i hope that i can grow out of this clumsiness...
i'd like to keep my physical clumsiness though...humor.

something you should know about me is...

...
i fall in love on a daily basis.
i think sometime my heart may get tired of this.
and it isn't just with people.
i fall in love with places, ideas, dreams, anything really...
today there was so much, my veins are hiccupping from all the excitement.
i got to go shopping today ... window shopping really, with my mom and sister for house stuff.
during this adventure i fell in love with:

• my mom, and her honesty
• my sister, and her confusing nature
• being able to treat them both to lunch
• the contentment i feel when i'm with them
• the radio-flyer tricycle i found
• writing down quotes from people around us that my sister and i think are just too funny
• vintage sewing machines

something else you should know about me...i enjoy making lists.
i have a journal nearly full of them...
let's share lists sometime...what do you make lists of?

things i'm excited about:

• finding exciting treasures & making things to furnish my house with...
• coffee with beautiful people on wednesday
• going antiquing and goodwilling with my mom and sister!!!
• possibility of josh coming to visit!!!
• baking mini muffins
• my new idea journal
• the new baking blog i found...and am now a tad bit obsessed with.
• playing tennis with my family - this is especially fantastic because we are quite the unathletic and clumsy family....it's pretty humorous to watch, i bet.

things i miss:

• baking for my LT family
• holding hands
• late night talks on lifeguard stands
• walking on the beach at night
• night frisbee
• "tell me something wonderful"...
• basically all things LT....

my heart is a mix of emotions...

and then there was monday.

today has been a simple day.
but in that simplicity there has been so much beauty..
my heart nearly cannot contain it.
it was my second full day of being home from LT.
my heart is aching...there are so many people that i miss so much.
i've never felt this way before.
it hasn't even been a week...
there are already promises of visits and picnics, and holding hands, and coffee, and baking together.
i can't help but marvel at God's imagination when i interact with these glorious people i got to spend a summer with.
He is just so good at doing what he does...uggg.

but back to today.
i ventured to muncie with my mom and sister, ran some errands, ate some panera, wandered around, payed my rent.
my heart missed muncie, this surprised me when i realized it.
this evening i got coffee with my best friend...and by got coffee i mean we were there until they kicked us out because they were closing...so then we made our way to the park, where we sat for another nearly 2 hours and talked about life...
it is wonderful...having someone that understands me so well...
we didn't even scratch the surface of what God has taught both of us so far this summer...
so many more hours are needed to get through all that these past 10 weeks have contained.
this week holds so many more promising events...
helping my mom snazzify her library for the new school year...
coffee with friends...(no you can never have too much of this)
riding my bike to camp to visit some beautiful people...
going to indy to see my dear friend eleanor...and wander around with bekah
picnics...croquet...ugg any number of wonderful things could happen this week..
yes, this week is something to get excited about.
make the most of it, mkay?