sometimes my heart feels so heavy. such has been the case this evening.
i would be lying if i said i didn't know the cause of this heaviness.
it's selfish how i let these feelings determine my actions, so selfish, and i need to grow up.
i miss the people that i could sit down, have some tea with and lay my heart out on the table.
i need someone here right now to sit with me as i whine with tears in my eyes and reassure me... then tell me what i need to hear.
that's what i need...
someone to tell me what i need to hear.
it's what i need...but do i really want that?

we talked about silence today.
the importance of it, and then we practiced it.
i do not have trouble being quiet, not talking.
but being silent, clearing my head, is so difficult for me.
i'm so selfish, i always have something going through my head.
a half hour was not enough, i need about an hour just to calm my heart down.
this is going to take practice....