sunflowers and textbooks

i feel as if i've been distracted this entire week.
my heart and head are scatterred and it's preventing me from completing my schoolwork as well as i could be.
but in the grand scheme of things...schoolwork is of minimal importance.
you may not agree. but that is how i feel right now.
i am physically here at school, but i don't feel like my heart is in it. and i just don't know what to make of that.

last weekend was lovely.
if everyday of my week was as relaxing as this weekend was i would be perfectly content.
i spent the majority of my day on saturday with my mom and sister and i grow more and more appreciative of them everyday. they make sense to me. i don't have to continually worry about how they really feel about me and being with them seems to recharge me. i wish i had someone here at school with me that was like that.
i also got to spend time this weekend with my dearest friend bekah brown. i wish everyone was as understanding/encouraging/graceful as she is with me. it always seems as if we're struggling with the exact same things whenever we get together.
i am so thankful for friendships that i can just sit and be with someone, without pointless words and small talk.
right now i feel like God is trying to pull me into something that is out of my control and i am being resistant. if i take the step i feel like He wants me to take a whole lot could change and i would have to say some things that have been spinning around in my head for months now. i know that in Christ i have strength but everything about this situation scares me.
gah.
this is hard. life is taking some turns....
i thought that i liked change, now i'm not so sure.