wasting time. again.

What I was doing 10 years ago:
hmm..most likely playing outside...avoiding my homework..oh wait that's what i'm doing now.



Five things on my to-do list today:
01.sell books back (check)
02.have lunch with people i love (check)
03. finish embroidering stuff for my frans.
04. study for anthropology
05. study/write essays for social work.

Snacks I like:
01. granola.
02. bananas.
03. oranges
04. my grandma's snickerdoodles
05. coffee. (does that even count?)

Places I've lived:
01. converse, in
02. middle of nowhere, in
03. seymour, in.
04. muncie, in.
05. siesta key, florida (spring break for a week, that doesn't count, doest it...)
obviously...i need to get out of this state.



Five things I would do if I had billions:
01. panic. that is way too much money for one person.
02. give money to my mom. - hopefully give most of it away
03. buy an adorable building and start a bakery
04. buy a house on one of the coasts.
05. buy a kitchenaid mixer.



People I want to know more about: (This one is hard.)
01. c-dogg
02. freddie
03. ben
04. shane
05. eleanor
yeah...they's my best friends...but there's still probably fun facts that i still haven't uncovered.




Five things that made me smile this week.
01. freddie's puppy.
02. william fitzsimmons
03. my funny friends
04. seeing my sister in her musical
05. wearing a dress.



Five songs that i cannot stop listening to.
01. what's been goin' on. by: amos lee
02. you & i by: ingrid michaelson
03. skinny love: bon iver
04. if you would come back home. by: william fitzsimmons.
05. diva. by: beyonce...weren't expecting that were you

not my words.

i don't really have anything of substance to say today.
but i've been flipping through one of my favorite books and i'd like to share some of what i think are the boldest quotes in it...
enjoy?

"grace is contagious, just like violence"

"we live in an age in which people, when they hear the word Christian, are much more likely to think of people who hate gays than people who love outcasts"

"referring to the church as a building is like referring to people as two-by-fours"

"we are not pacifist hippies but passionate lovers who abhor passivity and violence"

"Christendom seems very unprepared for people who take the gospel that seriously"

"why would i want a fancy car when i can ride a bike, or a TV when i can play outside with sidewalk chalk?"

"we've got to unite ourselves as one body. because Jesus is coming back, and he's coming back for a bride, not a harem."

"people are poor not just because of their sins; they are poor because of our sins"

"God spoke to Balaam through his ass, and God's been speaking through them ever since"

sorry about all that.
it may seem scattered, and you've most likely lost interest.
but, there are just some things that make me want to rethink everything.
i strongly suggest the reading of "the irresistible revolution"
it may kick you in the head just as it did me.
g'night.

why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar?

i've been on a bit of a mewithoutyou kick these past few days.
i'm just fascinated by their music, the beards and the way that aaron weiss lives his life.
you should check out www.mewithoutyou.com and read the journal entries.
he's just so compelling. i wish i had a friend that is so blatant and simple in living out their faith in a way like he does. i admire him. i encourage you to find out more about the curious way he leads his life...it may get you thinking.

on another note...tonight at the revolution's girls night we talked about eve...
and in a roundabout way we passed through a few verses in mark (thank you, layne) that i can honestly say i've never noticed before.

"and a young man followed him, with nothing but a linen cloth about his body. and they seized him, but he left the linen cloth and ran away naked."

- mark fourteen: fifty-one & fifty-two

however silly these verses may seem, one has to wonder what the significance was in writing these...hmmm...

i'm still avoiding signing up for LT. i'm not very good at committing to things like this.

there are so many other things i could do with my summer, right?

look at me rationalizing. ah well.

i had lunch with my best friend today (yes, panera again. ridiculous, i know)

we haven't had the chance to talk in a while, and it was refreshing to run my thoughts by her.

have i told you how hard it has been so far this week to focus?

i'm just so giddy with this weekend's plans. seeing friends i haven't seen in way too long. it has the potential to be a great weekend. oh the glory of it all....

i know there was something i was supposed to accomplish today...
a number of things actually.
but when i have a day off like today i tend to forget that list of things i need to do...
and that's where i'm at right now.
with my cup of mint tea i'm leaisurely glancing through various new blogs that i've stumbled on...exciting.
sadly enough i can spend hours looking through these. i need something to break this habit.
i did make my bed this morning though, there we go, i did accomplish something today.

good day, sunshine.

hello, dear friends.
it seems that today i've stumbled over what seems to be a moment of clarity for me.
i've recently (in the past year or so) really been struggling with my faith. and how to be closer to Christ and follow after him. you see, i've grown up in a conservative, exclusive church where, although we called ourselves "christians" we seemed to have adopted the view that good works will get us into heaven, despite poor motives and various other blind spots.
it's been very hard for me to shake off this critical eye that seemed to run rampant back home, quietly judging everyone we pass by. during my senior year my heart became very weary of this accepted way of living. it was becoming harder and harder for me to see how we could call ourselves christians while we were acting in a way that was no where near Christ-like. this new view that i had was somewhat shaped by the way my friends and family had so frequently been treated by members of the church. it hurt me to see my friends hurting and know that i was exactly like the ones hurting them.
something has been moving in my heart ever since that first day when i noticed this underlying doctrine i had grown up with was so off base. although in the past couple years here in muncie i can say that i've learned and grown in my faith there has always been a bit of a cloud hanging over my head, questioning what this faith really meant to me. what my drive in life truly was. could i honestly say i was a follower of Christ?
thankfully, in the past couple weeks my heart is finding answers to these questions it's been toiling over. yes, i am a follower of Christ, a clumsy, selfish sometimes blind follower, who so badly wants to be a better representation of the one i call Savior. God is my only hope, i can no longer depend on these selfish hopes that are only driven by my want for recognition and status. i can no longer look at hurting people and idly walk by. please hold me accountable to this, if you see me screw up tell me, i can't grow without learning from my mistakes. please pray for me, that i be willing to let things in my life change. on this most beautiful of days, my lovely friends, i leave you with this:

"we could not understand any words except alleluia,which i'm starting to think anyhow is about the only word worth knowing"

-mewithoutyou

obadiah?

i've been thinking a lot recently. (i know...surprising, right?)
about how i wish i was a different person, maybe a better version of myself?
i think i'm pretty lazy sometimes. not in common areas of laziness, i'm industrious at work, i do my school work, i clean up after myself (most of the time), but...i real lazy in relationships.
i find myself thinking that the relationships i have are enough, how many more friends do i really need?...
gah...really. who do i think i am?
as you can see, i'm pretty selfish in my relationships. i need to change that.
i hope God works on my heart this semester.
maybe that's my goal, to be willing to let God change me. stop resisting.
i need to be more giving with my time, i tend to hold back my time off all to myself...i need someone to keep me accountable in this. my heart needs tweaking.
i need to be more surefooted....hm.

recently a very dear friend of mine suggested that i read the book of obadiah. convenient, because it is only a chapter long...my attention did not stray in that short chapter.
i tend to have a pretty negative view of the old testament books. war after war, stubborn people, continually having to be told what to do, reminders after reminders.
before reading this book i decided to get some background information on it, so it didn't just seem like another conflict....this helped immensely.
it's hard to write down all my feelings during/after reading this...i just suggest that you read it for yourself.
i'll leave you with a bit that i found interesting...

"now you will be destroyed completely and filled with shame forever. for you deserted your relatives in Israel during their time of greatest need. you stood aloof, refusing to lift a finger to help when foreign invaders carried off their wealth and cast lots to divide up Jerusalem. you acted as if you were one of Israel's enemies. you shouldn't have done this! .... the day is near when I, the Lord will judge the godless nations! as you have done to Israel, so it will be done to you. all your evil deeds will fall back on your own heads."

-obadiah 11-12, 15

"welcome to the human race" -dr. rarick

if you haven't noticed...it's snowing today.
and where this may grate on some people's nerves it has made me quite happy.
i don't really think that it truly snowed at home all of christmas break, and this admittedly was a bit upsetting. as much as the cold can be no fun, i think snow is absolutely wonderful. it makes everything look so much more ... hmm.... whymsical? that is until it gets dirty and stained with mud...but we'll leave that notion for another day.

today has been a great wednesday, thus far. in my anthropology class we talked about aliens, ghosts and delorean's...well that's all i remember us talking about. then there was accounting (i think the business building here at ball state is the most depressing building on the entire campus. ugh...). and then i had philosophy, which i already love and i've only had it twice. my professor is hilarious. he speaks very slowly, pausing often, and i can tell he's one of those people that only speaks when things need to be said, and i admire that. oh and there's the fact that he fell off a roof when he was 9 and as a result sometimes is left without the ability to talk, how many people can say that? honestly...
then i have art history, which if i didn't have this class with my roommate and if the professor wasn't mr. tumnus, would be such a bore. oh the wonders that ball state contains....

so, it's new years day. i haven't set any resolutions.
none that i haven't had in mind for a number of months.
i still want to be more honest. and make sure that the people i'm surrounded by know how much they mean to me. i want to be less selfish. i want to learn.
i don't really think that new years day holds much significance for me.
i didn't stay up to watch the ball drop last night. i was watching a movie with my family, and i hadn't been feeling well all day. so i fell asleep.
one of my closest friends is moving to virginia with her husband very soon. my heart's still a bit sad from this. i'm determined to write her letters though. i'm still frightened that we're old enough to be married and moving away from home.
i feel like all of my posts are beginning to blend together. they all seem to sound the same.
maybe that will be my new years resolution, to change this nonsense up.